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01-24-2009, 10:49 AM
IMO, that depends on the abuse, the extent of the abuse, and other factors. All I can tell you is what has happened in my life and how it affected me with sexusal partners.I was mentally, verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused as a young child (from about 1 to about 14 or 15). I don't remember more than one incident, though. This can be good and bad. I was also date raped at 18. Between all the childhood abuse and the rape, it affected how I reacted with guys sexually.After the rape (which I didn't totally acknowledge as a rape at the time) I would get a boyfriend and have sex with him in no time at all. I would block out any and all feelings associated with anything sexual and just'do the act'with the guy. Then I met the guy I went on to marry at 23. During that time I was with him, I realized that I had been badly abused as a child and had been date raped. I can't count how many times this affected me/us in bed. How did it affect me? All it would take is certain touches, smells, movements, etc, and I would get a panic attack, so to speak, and would curl up in a ball like a small child and either whimper or start crying.This did not happen every time we had sex, but it did happen often enough that I seeked help for it. It took years of counseling for me to learn that none of it was my fault and how to be able to have sex with/make love to someone and not have panic attacks. Now when I have sex with someone (I am no longer married), I have no problems. But I do tell my partner up front about the abuse I went through so he will understand that IF I do have a panic attack, it is NOT his fault and that it is something from way back when that has come up and is out of my control at that moment.It has also affected me in other ways, such as I have a hard time trusting guys and have a hard time telling them things or getting close to them emotionally. This can also affect sex in the long run since the two of you don't feel as close as you should. I have only had one guy in my life that I got extremely close to, but he totally broke my heart by lying to me, cheating on me, breaking up with me, and kicking me out of a home I loved and his life. So now I am picking up the pieces and am unsure of how I will be with someone new, when I find someone new.
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